Lan Zhan would make you write an essay, essays are borinnnnnnnnng. I'd rather hear you spin a tale for me! I have some leftover wine, a little more than enough time to set aside for my dear junior... I want a story, young master!
[ messy and disorganized as it may be, it's what he enjoys ]
I called him Yuan, when he was little. Until recently, I was under the impression that he had died -- his name now is Sizhui. He's a brilliant and well-mannered young man, I think you two would get along very well. I don't think he remembers me, but he is my little one regardless. And, to argue your point: he was my child first! He only happens to be my junior now because Lan Zhan took him in and cared for him in my absence.
[That's not the important part. Sure, Riku could go on for a long time about what it means to be himself now. There was a time when he loved to hear the sound of his voice, but that's passed. He's no longer forced to present with a great deal of false and forced bravado.
And he's happier for it.
No, the important part is the implication of what happened to Wei Wuxian.]
Stories aren't for the teller, young master Riku. They're for the audience.
[ don't be so selfish, he just wants to hear you talk rather than read it off a page. it's social! ]
-- Young master Sora hasn't shared? What a good child, keeping secrets that aren't even really secrets. I died, that's what happened. Who you see here is -- a second chance. A third chance, even. No, a fourth at this rate - considering what happened in Zerzura. How many chances does one get, my goodness...
[Among other things. Plus, Riku's fairly certain he'd have to break out diagrams to explain how it works, because words wouldn't cut it. An essay really would be better.]
And no, he hadn't. I guess ... I guess that makes sense.
A young man called 'Mo Xuanyu' gave his life and called my soul back.
The body I exist in was his. I use his name here, in his honor.
[ he has not told many people his identity; it's a silly thing, hundreds of centuries removed from his world, but one he does to keep his companions safe. ]
We never met one another. I was as much a stranger to him as he was to me - he knew me by my reputation, though. Which is why it was strange to me, to awaken in the body of a stranger. He was unhappy, though. So unhappy, that giving his life up was the gentler option than continuing to live.
I -- His taking of his own life saddens me, of course. My own death was violent and I can't remember it well.
Death, in and of itself, is... an extension of life. I have an intimate and unique relationship with the dead, young master Riku. I don't know how to explain it, but. Just because ones physical body has ended its journey doesn't mean the soul of the person won't continue on. At least, that's how we know it to be in the time I'm from.
People can come back in my world, too. But it's not like how you're describing it. When they come back, it's for a reason. Their heart and Nobody were both ended, so they could make it back. Or their heart was sent through a timeline into a host, typically a replica body of some kind.
But what he did for you ...
I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself. One life isn't worth more than another, even if the other guy is a bad guy and gotten lost.
That's what I think I believe.
[Think. Because he doesn't know for sure. Riku wishes the world were that simple.
I don't think what he did was kind or fair to him; he deserved to live a long and fulfilling life, not to come to a point where his misery was so great the only way to escape it was to exchange his life for mine. But, I have to live with it. It's happened, it's done. He will never return to this world and what I do now is live for the both of us.
I use his name here, in this world: Mo Xuanyu. The love and attention and admiration I can earn from the people of this world is for him, for his memory. [ it's not an easy path, for either of them; it's not easy to weigh lives. ]
You're not wrong. I promise, you're not wrong to think that way. No life is worth another, yet when it happens... we must find ways to stand under the weight, or we are doing the dead a disservice.
I guess you're right. And it's not like you asked him to do that for you. No one would ever do that.
No one's going to know what that name means, though. You'd be better off telling stories about him than hoping they just think of him as you. You don't want that, either.
I have no knowledge of what it was like being dead, I think I was doing a spectacular job of it, though!
Ah, people. Does it matter what they know? The relationship was forged between Mo Xuanyu and ME, after all. Not him and the world. The world turn its back on him, why would I care what they know or don't know?
It's selfish of me, but I am a selfish human being. We all are, we all want the best for one another and we'll do what we can to ensure such things are obtained. I want things for him that are equal parts to soothe me, just as there are thing that I want for you. I am a parent, after all! It's sort of my responsibility!
[ that's right this whole thing started over a talk about BEING DADDY (mommy, tbh) ]
How can you talk about living on after death when it doesn't sound like you know anything about it?
Besides, this isn't the world that betrayed him. I don't care if you're excusing it with being selfish. That's just an excuse, a way to get around how you're acting. You can say you're doing something for him, but that doesn't make it true unless you take that extra step. It sounds to me like I pointed it out that it's not a good one, and you wanted to find a way around it.
[Riku can ignore the parental stuff because he's set his boundaries there. Plus, it's convenient to continuing to have a Tense Conversation.]
I'm a demonic cultivator. The grandmaster of the whole practice, in fact.
[ that alone may not explain why and how he knows so much about death; so, he admits to it. riku's already drawn a line about how he feels about death, either he will stand his ground and things will go sour or -- maybe otherwise. he can't control what is thought about him, either. ]
Part of what I do is raise and control the dead. Well, not here and not now. That power was taken from me when I arrived here, locked away or however it is people would like to explain it until we're certain. I know death and all that comes with it from my studies and research and the word of the dead themselves.
This could be my world, is the thing. I come from the place that's now called China, from a time written about in a historical sense. What if I was just brought forward from the future? I am selfish though, I can't give that up so easily - I want to hold onto him a little longer for myself. I don't --
[ if text could sigh miserably, it might ]
I don't want to be 'me' for a little while longer.
I've been to China before myself. Maybe Sora mentioned it.
[It's the first thing he responds to. The easiest part.]
The thing is, a name doesn't change who you are. I only know you as you. If he was here, he'd act differently, right? Even if he had your face. Or you had his face.
I don't think it's fair to him to pretend that you're him, even in your head. Something tells me that's not what he was going for either.
I do remember. Did you like your time spent there?
[ it's equally as easy to try and lean into that, to try and avoid the unrest bubbling up in his chest. the way it causes him to tuck his knees to his chest and morosely wrap his arms around them as he responds to a very good young man, who he feels he does not deserve. ]
If I don't do this -- he'll be gone. Souls are forever, death is an extension of one's living experience but he, gave up his very soul. There will be nothing of him, but nothing. It's too sad. However painful his life was, he chose that for me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Maybe I'll see about writing an essay on it. It might make sense that way.
[It means Riku will have organized his thoughts.]
I don't know about moving out. I haven't gotten that far ahead of myself. I'll need a better job if I do.
Yeah? So what's your kid's name? They can't be so-called "juniors" like us, you know. They have to think of you as "dad."
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[ messy and disorganized as it may be, it's what he enjoys ]
I called him Yuan, when he was little. Until recently, I was under the impression that he had died -- his name now is Sizhui. He's a brilliant and well-mannered young man, I think you two would get along very well. I don't think he remembers me, but he is my little one regardless. And, to argue your point: he was my child first! He only happens to be my junior now because Lan Zhan took him in and cared for him in my absence.
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[That's not the important part. Sure, Riku could go on for a long time about what it means to be himself now. There was a time when he loved to hear the sound of his voice, but that's passed. He's no longer forced to present with a great deal of false and forced bravado.
And he's happier for it.
No, the important part is the implication of what happened to Wei Wuxian.]
What happened to you? Where'd you go?
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[ don't be so selfish, he just wants to hear you talk rather than read it off a page. it's social! ]
-- Young master Sora hasn't shared? What a good child, keeping secrets that aren't even really secrets. I died, that's what happened. Who you see here is -- a second chance. A third chance, even. No, a fourth at this rate - considering what happened in Zerzura. How many chances does one get, my goodness...
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[Among other things. Plus, Riku's fairly certain he'd have to break out diagrams to explain how it works, because words wouldn't cut it. An essay really would be better.]
And no, he hadn't. I guess ... I guess that makes sense.
How'd you get that chance?
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The body I exist in was his. I use his name here, in his honor.
[ he has not told many people his identity; it's a silly thing, hundreds of centuries removed from his world, but one he does to keep his companions safe. ]
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Did he know you, at least? Were you two close when he made that choice?
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[ that's the simple answer, he thinks ]
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[His answers give that away, don't they?]
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Death, in and of itself, is... an extension of life. I have an intimate and unique relationship with the dead, young master Riku. I don't know how to explain it, but. Just because ones physical body has ended its journey doesn't mean the soul of the person won't continue on. At least, that's how we know it to be in the time I'm from.
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But what he did for you ...
I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself. One life isn't worth more than another, even if the other guy is a bad guy and gotten lost.
That's what I think I believe.
[Think. Because he doesn't know for sure. Riku wishes the world were that simple.
It's not.]
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I use his name here, in this world: Mo Xuanyu. The love and attention and admiration I can earn from the people of this world is for him, for his memory. [ it's not an easy path, for either of them; it's not easy to weigh lives. ]
You're not wrong. I promise, you're not wrong to think that way. No life is worth another, yet when it happens... we must find ways to stand under the weight, or we are doing the dead a disservice.
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No one's going to know what that name means, though. You'd be better off telling stories about him than hoping they just think of him as you. You don't want that, either.
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Ah, people. Does it matter what they know? The relationship was forged between Mo Xuanyu and ME, after all. Not him and the world. The world turn its back on him, why would I care what they know or don't know?
It's selfish of me, but I am a selfish human being. We all are, we all want the best for one another and we'll do what we can to ensure such things are obtained. I want things for him that are equal parts to soothe me, just as there are thing that I want for you. I am a parent, after all! It's sort of my responsibility!
[ that's right this whole thing started over a talk about BEING DADDY (mommy, tbh) ]
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Besides, this isn't the world that betrayed him. I don't care if you're excusing it with being selfish. That's just an excuse, a way to get around how you're acting. You can say you're doing something for him, but that doesn't make it true unless you take that extra step. It sounds to me like I pointed it out that it's not a good one, and you wanted to find a way around it.
[Riku can ignore the parental stuff because he's set his boundaries there. Plus, it's convenient to continuing to have a Tense Conversation.]
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[ that alone may not explain why and how he knows so much about death; so, he admits to it. riku's already drawn a line about how he feels about death, either he will stand his ground and things will go sour or -- maybe otherwise. he can't control what is thought about him, either. ]
Part of what I do is raise and control the dead. Well, not here and not now. That power was taken from me when I arrived here, locked away or however it is people would like to explain it until we're certain. I know death and all that comes with it from my studies and research and the word of the dead themselves.
This could be my world, is the thing. I come from the place that's now called China, from a time written about in a historical sense. What if I was just brought forward from the future? I am selfish though, I can't give that up so easily - I want to hold onto him a little longer for myself. I don't --
[ if text could sigh miserably, it might ]
I don't want to be 'me' for a little while longer.
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[It's the first thing he responds to. The easiest part.]
The thing is, a name doesn't change who you are. I only know you as you. If he was here, he'd act differently, right? Even if he had your face. Or you had his face.
I don't think it's fair to him to pretend that you're him, even in your head. Something tells me that's not what he was going for either.
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[ it's equally as easy to try and lean into that, to try and avoid the unrest bubbling up in his chest. the way it causes him to tuck his knees to his chest and morosely wrap his arms around them as he responds to a very good young man, who he feels he does not deserve. ]
If I don't do this -- he'll be gone. Souls are forever, death is an extension of one's living experience but he, gave up his very soul. There will be nothing of him, but nothing. It's too sad. However painful his life was, he chose that for me.
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[That may seem dismissive. Riku rereads the words and clarifies.]
I was there on business and in the shadows. I wasn't paying attention to the world so much as what I needed to know of it to help Sora.
[So, that.]
I don't get this soul business. Why is his soul gone?
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