Oh, visions. Those are the worst type of thing, I think.
Oh, certainly they're good for inspiring paranoia, guilt and a sense of inferiority -- but really, the way I understand visions, they're more like... hm. Guidelines? Parameters? I'll figure out what word I'm trying to think of once you tell me more. It was a vision you had when you were home? About what?
I told you that the Emperor had returned, and about Kylo Ren wanting me to turn.
In the vision I had, I did. I turned to the Dark Side and took the Emperor's throne with Kylo Ren.
If that happened, the Jedi would be gone. The Resistance would have no chance of restoring hope to the galaxy. The First Order and the Empire would be unstoppable.
That sounds like something you don't want, Miss Rey. It sounds like the last thing you want.
But, it's also something you really do want. So. Tell me why you want to! What does the Dark Side offer you? Because there is something it has that you must desperately want, if you are envisioning yourself joining with it. It will provide you something, or someone. Ignore, for a moment, all the things you've been told are wrong, or bad, about it. And look at it honestly.
[ it takes her a long time to come around to answering. his question asks a lot of her. she wanders the street to avoid going home, to avoid confronting him with it. having this conversation in person would be impossible.
she finds herself in the red light district, where the festival had been. sits on a half-wall beside one of the gambling parlors. ]
Kylo Ren.
[ a lot of other things, too, but he represents so many of them. he is her shadow. her anger, her hate, her desire to reap vengeance on those who'd wronged her. all the unpleasant parts of herself that she filters away to make herself palatable, good, to give her belonging in other ways.
she wants to belong. she wants the family, the legacy, that the emperor has promised her, the legacy that kylo has. a place in this story. ]
What I feel for him isn't love. We share the same soul. The same life.
[ that's deeper than love, she thinks. it's more tangible, more inextricable to her very being. inescapable. she can't hide herself from it so easily. ]
Everything that he is, I am too. And I want it. I want to be the Emperor's granddaughter because then I would be someone's daughter. Not nobody. Not nothing.
I want to be worth that. I want to be important enough to prove my parents wrong for leaving me. I want to matter.
[ he waits, with far more patience than he's portrayed himself as having, for her answer. when it comes, he's ready to give her his full attention once more. ]
I understand what that's like.
[ sharing one's soul with another. it's not just lip service, coming from him. he thinks of the scar on jiang cheng's chest, and the matching one on his old body. ]
'Wanting to be someone' is the loudest and longest plea in lives like ours, Miss Rey. To meet someone who... will look at you and see you? I don't blame you, for having a vision like that. It's just one more iteration of the oldest pain we've experienced as orphans.
I love you dearly. Very much so. And even I know that it's not enough. It doesn't reach the places it needs to.
I can't tell you that it's not worth it. Going down a darker path, I mean. I've done it, to save people I loved so much that I knew destroying myself in the long run would be worth it. It gave me worth, being a terrible man.
I suppose in the long run -- your vision may be asking you to make the ugliest decision. Do you choose yourself, or do you choose everyone else. You have two paths, and I think both are bullshit. So, make a third.
[ she's never known anyone to be so incisive in their understanding of her. kylo ren possesses the understanding, but not the emotional intellect to analyze and articulate it in such a way. that would mean confronting his own conflicts too.
wei wuxian is beyond them both. older and more familiar, wiser. ]
That's what I tried to do before, here. I thought I could have Ben and protect the Resistance. I'm not sure I can, anymore. And if I can't, then I'll have to fight him. How can I love him and kill him?
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no subject
Oh, certainly they're good for inspiring paranoia, guilt and a sense of inferiority -- but really, the way I understand visions, they're more like... hm. Guidelines? Parameters? I'll figure out what word I'm trying to think of once you tell me more. It was a vision you had when you were home? About what?
no subject
In the vision I had, I did. I turned to the Dark Side and took the Emperor's throne with Kylo Ren.
If that happened, the Jedi would be gone. The Resistance would have no chance of restoring hope to the galaxy. The First Order and the Empire would be unstoppable.
no subject
But, it's also something you really do want. So. Tell me why you want to! What does the Dark Side offer you? Because there is something it has that you must desperately want, if you are envisioning yourself joining with it. It will provide you something, or someone. Ignore, for a moment, all the things you've been told are wrong, or bad, about it. And look at it honestly.
That's what I did, after all.
no subject
she finds herself in the red light district, where the festival had been. sits on a half-wall beside one of the gambling parlors. ]
Kylo Ren.
[ a lot of other things, too, but he represents so many of them. he is her shadow. her anger, her hate, her desire to reap vengeance on those who'd wronged her. all the unpleasant parts of herself that she filters away to make herself palatable, good, to give her belonging in other ways.
she wants to belong. she wants the family, the legacy, that the emperor has promised her, the legacy that kylo has. a place in this story. ]
What I feel for him isn't love. We share the same soul. The same life.
[ that's deeper than love, she thinks. it's more tangible, more inextricable to her very being. inescapable. she can't hide herself from it so easily. ]
Everything that he is, I am too. And I want it. I want to be the Emperor's granddaughter because then I would be someone's daughter. Not nobody. Not nothing.
I want to be worth that. I want to be important enough to prove my parents wrong for leaving me. I want to matter.
I want to be loved.
no subject
I understand what that's like.
[ sharing one's soul with another. it's not just lip service, coming from him. he thinks of the scar on jiang cheng's chest, and the matching one on his old body. ]
'Wanting to be someone' is the loudest and longest plea in lives like ours, Miss Rey. To meet someone who... will look at you and see you? I don't blame you, for having a vision like that. It's just one more iteration of the oldest pain we've experienced as orphans.
I love you dearly. Very much so. And even I know that it's not enough. It doesn't reach the places it needs to.
I can't tell you that it's not worth it. Going down a darker path, I mean. I've done it, to save people I loved so much that I knew destroying myself in the long run would be worth it. It gave me worth, being a terrible man.
I suppose in the long run -- your vision may be asking you to make the ugliest decision. Do you choose yourself, or do you choose everyone else. You have two paths, and I think both are bullshit. So, make a third.
no subject
wei wuxian is beyond them both. older and more familiar, wiser. ]
That's what I tried to do before, here. I thought I could have Ben and protect the Resistance. I'm not sure I can, anymore. And if I can't, then I'll have to fight him. How can I love him and kill him?
I've been trying to stop myself.