[ his swinging legs still, the longer he's able to turn over the things that lan wangji says and the conclusions that come from them. his a'yuan, his little boy, is alive. he did not perish following his death ( of all things he regretted, abandoning his child to a difficult life - orphaned twice over, in fact - was the one he regretted the most in the end ), he was taken in by a kind, good man. and a'yuan became a kind, admirable young man as the result. he had always adored lan sizhui, from the day they had met, he had been as spectacular a gentleman as he was a bold heart. that he was alive, that he was not in new amsterdam -- it cuts as deeply as jin ling's absence.
the child of his beloved shijie, beautiful as his father and passionate as his mother and raised as brash and family-loyal as his uncle... that their children had fallen into one another's company ( his and jiang cheng's -- no, his and lan wangji's along with jiang cheng's )? wei wuxian's mind spins, around and around until he must press the bridge of his nose to lan wangji's shoulder and breath sharply, covering the sides of his face with cupped hands to block out the light and stop the wild throbbing of his mind as it aches and yearns and goes mad with the desire to defend his baby, to protect his own. ]
You needn't be sorry, Lan Zhan.
[ not him. not this man. ]
You saved his life. You raised a fine young man in my absence. He's so very easy to love.
[ he's still mine, he thinks, savage and possessive.
lan wangji is his, too. that means lan sizhui is theirs, right? ]
-- I want to see him. I want to see Jin Ling, too. I want to talk to them, I want to hold them. I'm so worried about them all. Are they eating well, without us? Are they safe? In Jiang Cheng's future, is Jin Ling the leader of the Yanling sect? Is he alone? Does A'Yuan... does he remember me? Lan Zhan, does he know who I am? He only seemed to ever recognize me as the young master Mo.
[ it hurts, so deeply, to think that his child does not remember him. it would mean he did not observe rites. he was well and truly forgotten, after he had died. ]
I'm sorry. This is so melancholy, I should be happier to know he's alive. I just... my heart hurts. I want to hold him again.
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the child of his beloved shijie, beautiful as his father and passionate as his mother and raised as brash and family-loyal as his uncle... that their children had fallen into one another's company ( his and jiang cheng's -- no, his and lan wangji's along with jiang cheng's )? wei wuxian's mind spins, around and around until he must press the bridge of his nose to lan wangji's shoulder and breath sharply, covering the sides of his face with cupped hands to block out the light and stop the wild throbbing of his mind as it aches and yearns and goes mad with the desire to defend his baby, to protect his own. ]
You needn't be sorry, Lan Zhan.
[ not him. not this man. ]
You saved his life. You raised a fine young man in my absence. He's so very easy to love.
[ he's still mine, he thinks, savage and possessive.
lan wangji is his, too. that means lan sizhui is theirs, right? ]
-- I want to see him. I want to see Jin Ling, too. I want to talk to them, I want to hold them. I'm so worried about them all. Are they eating well, without us? Are they safe? In Jiang Cheng's future, is Jin Ling the leader of the Yanling sect? Is he alone? Does A'Yuan... does he remember me? Lan Zhan, does he know who I am? He only seemed to ever recognize me as the young master Mo.
[ it hurts, so deeply, to think that his child does not remember him. it would mean he did not observe rites. he was well and truly forgotten, after he had died. ]
I'm sorry. This is so melancholy, I should be happier to know he's alive. I just... my heart hurts. I want to hold him again.
[ i want my son ]