[ it takes her a long time to come around to answering. his question asks a lot of her. she wanders the street to avoid going home, to avoid confronting him with it. having this conversation in person would be impossible.
she finds herself in the red light district, where the festival had been. sits on a half-wall beside one of the gambling parlors. ]
Kylo Ren.
[ a lot of other things, too, but he represents so many of them. he is her shadow. her anger, her hate, her desire to reap vengeance on those who'd wronged her. all the unpleasant parts of herself that she filters away to make herself palatable, good, to give her belonging in other ways.
she wants to belong. she wants the family, the legacy, that the emperor has promised her, the legacy that kylo has. a place in this story. ]
What I feel for him isn't love. We share the same soul. The same life.
[ that's deeper than love, she thinks. it's more tangible, more inextricable to her very being. inescapable. she can't hide herself from it so easily. ]
Everything that he is, I am too. And I want it. I want to be the Emperor's granddaughter because then I would be someone's daughter. Not nobody. Not nothing.
I want to be worth that. I want to be important enough to prove my parents wrong for leaving me. I want to matter.
no subject
she finds herself in the red light district, where the festival had been. sits on a half-wall beside one of the gambling parlors. ]
Kylo Ren.
[ a lot of other things, too, but he represents so many of them. he is her shadow. her anger, her hate, her desire to reap vengeance on those who'd wronged her. all the unpleasant parts of herself that she filters away to make herself palatable, good, to give her belonging in other ways.
she wants to belong. she wants the family, the legacy, that the emperor has promised her, the legacy that kylo has. a place in this story. ]
What I feel for him isn't love. We share the same soul. The same life.
[ that's deeper than love, she thinks. it's more tangible, more inextricable to her very being. inescapable. she can't hide herself from it so easily. ]
Everything that he is, I am too. And I want it. I want to be the Emperor's granddaughter because then I would be someone's daughter. Not nobody. Not nothing.
I want to be worth that. I want to be important enough to prove my parents wrong for leaving me. I want to matter.
I want to be loved.